Monday, November 20, 2017

The Minotaur's Massage Maze

I need a massage.

I screwed up something on my right side, probably sciatica, and it hurts. That's okay, but it's not getting better, which is not okay.

So I'm looking for a deep tissue massage place, which sounds straightforward. "Sounds".

All of these places have hours more suited to someone who lives in the base of a tree. "Third Wednesday, 3:30-5:00 p.m.", "Thirty minutes before and after sunrise", or "When the powers of the Earth align".

No websites, either, just an underground network of communication elves, moving hand-written messages from village to village. Elfnet.

"Leave a message".

Now, you might think that implies some kind of promise by the receiving party to listen to the message and respond, but in my experience, that is not the case. It's more of a message in a bottle outreach.

Most of these places are rated 5-stars in Google, and they all have one review. Which isn't sketchy at all, or maybe most of their customers are of the eleven persuasion, and can elves even write? I'm just not sure anymore.

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